So
it's mid-winter, been dreary gray for a week that feels like forever,
the bills have been stacked and re-stacked, sorted and re-sorted, the business
that feels so promising ain't generating squat, and all the education, talent
and passion in the world isn't coming close to filling ye old bank account.....
With
heart and mind in stress-shreds, my head hits the pillow. I semi-sleep in
between flips and dream fragments, when suddenly I come to in my bed in my room
- I think? Is my husband next to me? - check. All the windows, doors, furniture
as I know it to be? - check. Still hazy, but certain of my locale, my attention
is immediately drawn to - flash.......flash........a fuzzy pink circle of light
flashing on the wall to my right. Wait - that's where the mirror is - is it a
reflection? or is it coming from behind? Hard to tell since I'm not wearing my
glasses.
And now I'm remembering...kind of dream-embering something....
something that came in that blip of dream just before -- didn't someone tell me
I'd see this? And they told me just what to do ---- oh dear, what WAS it? It
said it would flash five (? was it five? I think it was five) times - (oh no!
how many times has it flashed?! I know I saw two, but what if I missed some?)
- and there it is again, that makes three -- this is so weird..... let's see - remember, remember - it said there would
be a sound (what sound was it?) and just then a desperate howling begins
outside and a few night birds "who-who" and squawk in an eerie
chorus. The hair on my wrists stands straight up from the goose pimples running
my arm span - remember..... remember.....
(ugh, I don't remember!)... I'm
supposed to do something?? what IS it? Read something, yes - but what? I can't
even see without my glasses - and it's dark ....
What just took me 12 minutes to recount in writing actually all occurred in a moment (ok, maybe two moments). My familiar bed and room now had an aura of doom, a presence of evil. I'd somehow brought someone or something mysterious but clearly BAD through the portal of sleep to mess with me here - (or might it be the other way round? Maybe I took the dooms of the day into dreamland - ruining what might otherwise have been a dreamscape of golden fields and blue skies?) The only way, it seems, that I might un-do what I've done is to REMEMBER what it is I was told to do when this happened and do it, but is it already too late? Don't give up, remember, remember ......ahhhh, I'm supposed to read the writing on the wall. As if on a mission, I reach for the nightstand, put on my glasses, switch on the light, stare at the wall - the one with the mirror, waiting to see a map or message of some kind magically appear - taken off-guard now to be really and truly, all the way awake, sitting up in bed, the bright startling light erasing all evidence of fuzzy pink flashes .... HUH??!?
Turn
it off, turn it off –what if I now missed the 5th (and final?)
flash?! – what if I disrupted the grand scheme of whatever I’m to do? Misery
upon misery, what if I failed this quest? Oh, what was it they said would
happen if I did not do as instructed? Shudder, sigh. All I know is it wasn't
good. And, damn - I'm awake - this isn't even a half-way dream now, this is MY
LIFE -- oh yeah, the gray day life full of incomplete projects and negative
balances.
What
to do when you don't want to be awake, don't want to think any of your
thoughts, don't want to be HERE in this freaky place, but have no intention of
leaving the seeming security of the cool sheet and heavy comforter --- AND
you're afraid to go back to sleep? Wake someone else up into it, of course! And
the person of choice just so happened to be making the sound of a
chainsaw-in-heat right next to me.
Shake
and whisper, “Hey honey, wake up?”
Loud,
stinky night breath, exhale…..chain-saw inhale.
“Honey?
Hello? Please wake up!” Daytime
volume with sense of urgency. Shaking his snoozing chin back and forth in my
hands.
He rolls over and away, pulls the cover up, rhythmic snores uninterrupted.
His
eyes roll partway up, like window blinds, and his eyeballs lower slowly into
the slit. I peer into the open place, willing those pupils to SEE me, daring
those lids to close on me again, holding my breath against the night odor, as I
move my head closer and closer, till we nearly rub noses – I inhale, getting
ready to tell my tale, and --- what do you know? The lids lower and, in rote
unconsciousness, he buries his head under not one, but two pillows, and
continues to sleep.
Ok, guess
I’m on my own. Now what if there really were some robber who broke in? Let’s
obsess about that a bit….
I call in
angels and say prayers, surround myself with light and eventually sleep....only
to be dreamatically re-summoned to wake state with an intense sense of
urgency. Once again, I verify my locale – hubby, windows, furniture – check, check,
check. This time, mega-alert for a sound. Last time, it was flashing light,
this time, I’ve been instructed (couldn’t say by who or how, just know) to
listen. Ears and all senses perked in anticipation (with a slight twinge of
doubt) - and then --- KA-PLOOM, KA-PLOWie! POP POP! BANG – what, huh? Freaking
fireworks? That – BLANG BOOM BAM – definitely sounds like fire – POP BLAST
BLOOM- works! Revisit my reality, pinch myself – check, it hurts (ow) – phone
where I left it on its charger tells me it’s 3:30 am. What
the heck? KER-BOOM, BANG! POP! PLOWIE! Ok, sorry Mr. Deep Sleep Man, this time you ARE GOING TO WAKE
UP! Other consciousness is not an option!
Bop him on
the head with the pillow, once, twice, three times. Shake shake – “Wake Up,
wake up, WAKE up, WAKE UP – YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP NOW!”
Jiggle, tickle, shove.
BOOM! POP!
Ping ping ping – Ka-Blam!
“DO YOU HEAR THAT?! Fireworks! Those are fireworks!
Wake up and hear the fireworks! I NEED YOU! WAKE UP!”
He rouses a level or two, eyes open, staring out the big window, equally baffled by the random chorus of firecrackers. They go on for I-don’t-know-how-long. We lie and listen, stunned. When it finally ends, I’m on auditory buzz, bound and determined to get some night comfort from my soulmate.
Story in blips: “So,
there was this flashing light….and a message…. and howling, who-ing…. Freaking
out….. something bad… so scared… tried to wake you….snore snore…. back to
sleep… wake…. fireworks… you heard them, too, right?”
Affimative
nod. Shew – good, I’m not crazy.
I'll be back to process & ponder, but in the meantime..... Have you ever had one of those nights?
Recent Comments