Pondering and processing are favorite activities of mine - probably to a fault. But, hey, tis the season, right? We can make all the resolutions and set as many goals as we want, but I have to think that such practices can only be augmented by taking time to review where we've been and what we learned while there.
So, I'm taking inventory of 2009 - trying to avoid overly scrupulous nit-picky things and bring the bigger picture into view - what did I learn? How did I bump into the lesson? What will I do with it now? Stuff like that.
I learned a bit about patience, I'd say. Patience with myself, that is. Or maybe it's acceptance? They seem to go together, at least when it comes to certain things, like getting off my own case. What did I learn about it, you ask? Hmmm... that's a good question - what DID I learn about patience and acceptance? Actually, I have to say "learnED" (past tense) doesn't seem quite right - see, when you're as patient and accepting as I am (now), you know that you're just never done learnING (present progressive tense) - Haha! I guess I've come to understand that even when I can't see and don't feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to or achieving what I think I should or making much of a difference at all, when I look back, I can see that I actually am doing some stuff (other than laundry) - I am making (some) progress.
It's kind of like kids' growing - when you're with 'em all the time (or if you just so happen to BE the kid), you just don't notice getting taller (until none of the clothes fit), the baby cheeks slimming, the hair getting longer -- it all just looks pretty much like it did the day before...which isn't so different than how it looked the week before - you know what I mean. So, I tend to be like a kid in a hurry to see some tangible evidence (right NOW please) that the way I'm spending my days is positively impacting the planet in a meaningful way. But they don't give out prizes for keeping your kids clean and fed or being there to talk them through a homework problem. There's no paparazzi for making beds, running with the dog, showing up at church or answering email.
But I can see that my kids know they have a Mom who puts them first, and they have a safe, special place where they can always come home. My husband knows I love, trust and treasure him. I feel completely loved. I am growing ever closer to God. I have found my voice and am increasingly willing to have it heard. Honestly, five years ago, I could not have said any of those things.... So, even though one day seems to feel pretty much like the one before and many of my projects, visions, and aspirations remain incomplete (if started at all), I must be doing something with my time to have made these true, right? And with this comprehension, I become that much more patient and accepting of myself and everyone else just as we are, right here, right now.
Well, that took more words than I'd first expected (good thing I'm so patient - ha!), so I reckon this 2009 Ponder & Process Review will be....Continued. ;-)
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